There comes a time in life when about everything loses their meaning. A time when you actually don’t know the meaning of your being alive. A time when the only wish on your mind is death. A time when you seem to have tried all in vain. Talk of education, work, friends and …love. A time when it’s only you against the world.
Many may deny the existence of such a time but it does exist!! Love. You try falling in love and every time you find out that the person you love seems not to be the right one for you. They have many imperfections that you end up blaming yourself. You end up calling yourself ugly names for not having been able to see the imperfections before. Maybe they like things you don’t like or you like their no-no. You might like being next to them; sharing your secrets; doing things together; going to the Botanical Garden with them – all because you love them. On the contrary, they want to stay free spirits; unhindered; untamed …yet you are in a relationship!!
You call yourself a fool and wish for death to catch up with you soonest because you couldn’t get any smarter to realize your incompatibility before. When death fails to heed your wish, you console yourself that things will transform to the better with time and pretend to be Ok to please your man/woman. You search for the best way to end the relationship without hurting yourself or your partner in vain. You also fail to get a reason, albeit fake, to prove their love for you. You won’t pull out of the relationship when you are mad at that person you love because this is the time they become romantic. They soften, become enticing and very attractive and attracted to you both in words and action. You shelve the idea of ending the relationship.
When you remain alone in your room, you start blaming yourself for not having acted once. You hum Rihanna’s ‘Stupid in Love’ to yourself and still fail to understand the song completely because you can’t understand the kind of relationship you are in either. All the things you thought your loved one had were all fake. All the standards you had set for somebody you can fall in love with seem eroded. You wish for death …then resurrection …then a new life!
It reaches a point where you see yourself as the biggest idiot to ever step on planet earth. Your love seems not to show any interest in you when you need it most. You refer to yourself as a failure for having failed to ‘steal their heart’ completely. You resort to listening to Blues and RnB to see if you can get new vibes for your next dream person.
Hey! Campus love! Love it is. Four letters, not arranged in alphabetical order. Trying to find the meaning of each letter, you stop halfway because you realize that you are creating a weapon for mass destruction. You shelve the idea because you still want to fall in love – AGAIN. You tri