My Dream of A Kenyan Politician

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It’s usually hard for one to remember a dream, or if they do, they fear telling it due to the fear of being seen as young. From my upbringing, I was told that every time one dreams, they grow. So, yester night I grew and I want to share my growth element with you.

I dreamt about one  Honorable Ferdinand Waititu.

Now, that is the last thing you want to read from me, isn’t it? But wait a minute… In my dream, Waititu had visited our school for an interview with the students, in order to get their views on his candidature as Nairobi Senator (I am not sure if in reality Honorable Waititu wants to vie for Nairobi’s Senator seat – but heck! This is my dream, not some real story).

There were, therefore, four questions that my colleagues (students at this school that I don’t know the name) asked Honorable Waititu that arched into my head until morning and even beyond. These questions reduced Honorable Waititu to Mr. Waititu in my dream. For that matter, I will not share his answers because they held no water. However, Honorable Waititu being the abrasive leader he is, let me issue here a disclaimer that everything about this post is sourced from a dream. It does not in any way represent the views of this blog or the blogger.

On to the first question

“In 2007, there were not as many radio stations as they are today; many people were not accessible to the internet as they are today, and if they were, they did not use it as often as they do today. However, it was evident that hate speech was spread through the media. Whether electronic, print or virtual media, the results were displacement of innocent Kenyans, rape and even killing of others!

“In my view, this is the reason why one radio personality had to be included in the famous Ocampo Six. It also led to the formation of the Mzalendo Kibunja’s Commission. Up to now I don’t know the full name of the above commission, but from its duties, I always call it ‘The Commission on Hate Speech’. It however emerges that the commission did not have all the teeth required – say 32 teeth – to bite Hate Speech effectively and efficiently. That’s why they recently formed another Panel of Bloggers to assist the Hate Speech commission bite the ‘online hate speech’.

I know all this has nothing to do with you Mheshimiwa, but my question is, as an aspiring Nairobi Senator are you for or against hate speech? I know your answer to that Mheshimiwa from your lips but that’s not the answer I need, I need the answer that’s in your heart; the answer that can be defined by your recent actions; the answer that can tell your story in summary as the Member of Parliament representing Embakasi.”

The second question

“We all know that Mr. Kibaki likes calling people ‘bure’ , ‘mafi ya kuku’, ‘useless’ etc. but he remains ‘His Excellency the President of the Republic of Kenya’. We also know that the Prime Minister of Kenya likes referring to his competitors in the 2013 presidential race in derogatory terms. He can call them ‘donkeys’ while he refer to himself as a ‘horse’ but he remains the Right Honorable, the Prime Minister of Kenya. Mr. Kalonzo if famous for his ‘Water melon’ nature; today he is ‘yes’, tomorrow ‘maybe’ and the following day ‘no’. We also know him for his ability to ‘go between’.

“But just like the other two, he still maintains his respect among Kenyans. Mheshimiwa, I can describe the characteristics of Ruto, Uhuru, Mudavadi, Karua and any body else but their characters does not demean their ‘Honorable’ tag. But I am always afraid to describe your character and that of your friend Sonko (I even don’t know his real name). Why? Because every time I think of you, I see a stone in your hand! Then I remember Gor Mahia fans before civilization. The image is then replaced with yet another one of you chasing people on the streets of Nairobi. Then I remember the City Council askaris running after the Nairobi hawkers.

“I don’t know if I am the only one who fears describing your character lest I demean your Honorability! Again, I have never remembered you in a suite. I once heard you say that you represent the youth, does that mean that Kenyan Youths are that rowdy?! That’s not the question I needed to ask you but I won’t mind your answer. My question is: how honorable are you?”

Question three

“I know many brave people in the world. I won’t mention all of them but I will mention my father. I actually got the definition of bravery from him. I had lied to mum that dad was calling her. She went and found out that he wasn’t. She came back to the kitchen where I was and found me dead laughing! “April fools!” I shouted to her. She laughed too. However, dad was within earshot and had heard me shout. He came to the kitchen and being the disciplinarian we knew him to be, I instantly knew that I was the next victim of his lesson in discipline.

“To prevent myself from his lashings, I invented a story to prove that I had heard him call my mother. He heard none of it and hit slapped me. Mum was like “why are you hitting him?” dad answered her that “I just want him to man up and be brave”. He later explained that he did not want to hit me in the first place. It’s my cowardice that made him hit me.

“That is irrelevant to you Mheshimiwa. However, your recent action might have led dad slap you and even refuse to vote for you come 2013. You know very well that you incited people, don’t you? Then why did you have to hide in the parliament building until later in the night and even sneak out of it? Where had you taken your brevity? You even apologized using lies!

“In my dictionary, apology does not come with justification of the wrong. It’s either you are apologizing or justifying. The two cannot stay together. My question is: are you REALLY a man of your word?”

In the end

When I was still listening to Honorable Waititu try to answer the questions, I felt an urge for a short call. I had to rush to the loo. This is the point where my mum used to tell me that I should never allow myself to urinate or defecate in a dream. She used to say that however sweet the dream might be, when I feel like going for any call, I should wake up instantly before ‘things get out of hand.’ Things get out of hand when you wake up the next morning and find yourself wet or on a wet mattress or worse still, on a smelly, smeared mattress with flies all over.

I therefore woke up to go for a short call. But the dream couldn’t be resumed like a movie after the short break. It however remained arched in my brain.

Just a Reminder

This is my dream, I am off to a hospital to measure my height and see how tall I have grown after such a realistic dream. But before I measure my height, I will pass by the voter registration center to register as a voter and be part of the history makers… have you registered as a voter?

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3 responses »

  1. Hi! I’m at work surfing around your blog from my new apple iphone! Just wanted to say I love reading through your blog and look forward to all your posts! Carry on the outstanding work!

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