Dealing With The Ex. by Neemo Alice


Old flames die hard. Whoever said so is inconsequential. It makes sense, and that’s what matters. No one entertains the thought that their present love is a potential ex. unfortunately, we often fall into the wrong hands, love the wrong persons and so everything goes wrong. Most of us, (if not all) relate while silently hoping that they will not get heartbroken .A broken heart is cumbersome to deal with. It knows no physician, the only cure is time; a luxury only few can afford. A free fall from cloud 9 will sure guarantee breakages- of hearts. Handling the extent and number of fractures is an all important matter. I do not promise a formula for the cure but maybe a cupful of facts will do for now.

Most people get hurt in love because they set unrealistic goals or demand to live their dream. It gets even worse when the dream is not shared and the result is two people struggling to fit into each other’s world. Need I say that it’s a workable recipe for emotional disaster? That aside, we must learn to live with the fact that human beings are as unpredictable as the weather. Sometimes they love, other times they don’t. There is therefore no reason to demonize someone for the simple reason they fell out of love with you. This is bitter medicine…whoever needs it shall swallow hard.

A recent incident mesmerized me. I invite my best friend to an event but she turns me down. Reason: She could not attend because her ex was likely to attend the same. Obviously I rolled my eyes at her but decided to let her be. Such an incidence triggers the question: How soon should you get over your ex? Does it even happen? The most common idea of ‘getting over it’ is cutting ties with the person. If I tell you I’ve seen it work, I lie. Cutting ties in this instance is a synonym for hiding from or running away .Take for instance a campus setting. A lady avoids all spots at which she’s likely to run into her former boyfriend. She turns her own life into a living hell just because she wants to forget him. She looks right and left before crossing the road and it has nothing to do with being wary of fast moving cars but her ex. Such a life is what I call ‘a mire of ignorance’ What about facing your fears head on!

.Memories of a person you once had a fling with cannot be wished away .You can choose to move on, carrying memories with you but they do not have to run your life. Getting over someone is not an easy task. It is normal to keep tabs on your ex’s best friend to find out how he/she has been without you. It is also okay to breathe fire like a dragon when you spot them with somebody else. Refusing to pick their call or not exchanging greetings is ordinary. With time, wounds heal and you spring back to life.

You tell it’s over when normalcy returns between former sweethearts, such that they laugh about their past- together. It is really over if you still talk like old friends who once had a ‘thing’ that failed to work. This way, you avoid making unnecessary enemies in life. People who have moved on do not feel weird around each other. They don’t avoid each other. They recover the phone numbers that they once deleted! They are genuine friends! If you thought the solution to your recent break up is never seeing her/him again, think again. See the person as much as possible; talk until you can’t and if that doesn’t work…….try again. Where a fire once was, there are ashes. One who wishes to tidy up will sweep it up and get rid of it or maybe wait for the wind to blow it away.


About denshispeaks

Foods, Nutrition and Dietetics is on my papers, commentating on sociopolitical and campus issues is my trade and run deep in my blood, humility and Trust in God are my guides, dreams and visions of a better tomorrow motivate me.

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