The Kenyan Version of A Perfect Man by Neemo Alice


Certain hours of the day are usually booked for the TV. Just like any other Kenyan lady, I ensure that I’m seated in front of my TV about 5-minutes to my date with the Mexican Soap Operas. We can’t tell why we can’t miss even a single episode of our favorites …because it’s the lead actor that wins our hearts.

He’s always just the perfect guy. Talk of mannerism, physique and all the positive adjectives a man would have. Doing the right things, in the right way and at the right time. Never forgets when he loves …in fact cries over a break up. More often referred to as Alejandro by script writers. Ladies will often wish they were in the position of the lead actress and will go green-eyed when she plays hard-to-get.

Enough of Alejandro!

Consider the Kenyan version of a perfect man. Call him Juma: the Kenyan Alejandro. I took my time to compare the two gentlemen based on how they love. Oh how different they do! While Alejandro falls in love, Juma simply decides to love, a decision that can a times be made at a glance. He will later use a 3-word text message to woo the lady.

Picture this: a lady’s inbox is full of “where are you?” “How are you?” “Are you coming?” “Sleep tight dear” “I love you” kinds of text messages. His Mexican counterpart on the other hand takes his time and calls his lady or drives to her house just to wish her a good day or a warm night.

Wait until it’s Valentine’s and you’ll see how far the Spanish lover boy can go! He drops by a flower farm and picks the reddest of the roses or the freshest of the Lillie’s for her. Juma will get something for his lady too. He’ll walk into an Asian ware shop and get his sweetheart a pressure cooker …or even a toaster!

Both gentlemen plan to pose the million-dollar-question to their ladies. Alejandro will take his time to serenade her before he asks for her hand – probably on one knee. As for Juma, a simple “when are you moving in?” will do. Break up with Juma as a result and he’ll attend your wedding with his wife! Yeah! …did you imagine he’ll ‘mournr’ your breakup for life?

The saddest thing about Soap Operas is that Alejandro is just a fictious character living in the perfect world created by the script writer. He’s a heir to a multibillion Business Empire, that was handed to him on a silver platter. The perfect idea of a spoilt grown-hup brat.

As crude as he may be, Juma has had a fair share of the world’s problems. He has hustled his way to the top since when he was a foetus. He has bathed in his tears and is now probably swimming in his sweat. He is responsibility oriented and only has fun when it’s necessary. He is an Afro-romantic guy, thanks to civilization and modernity. He’s the our idea of a perfect man.

A man who “makes things happen.” He has substance between his ears. If ladies were realistic enough, he’d dethrone Alejandro. The little a Kenyan man does to show how much he cares for a lady shouldn’t be taken lightly. I choose to give credit where it’s due.

Next Valentines Day, Juma will probably buy his sweetheart a lawn mower. I hope she receives it wearing a smile, which she can take off at her discretion and roll her eyes. Alejandro is therefore forbidden to enter my living room, except in the form of a TV signal.


8 responses »

  1. The fact that women yearn for “Alejandro” is nothing but a vociferous testimony, of how the modern man no longer has the slightest idea on how to treat his woman right. Women are simple; all we want are flowers… is that too much to ask for? You want a women to give you her all? Be her “Alejandro” and you’ll never miss a thing!
    Just because the Kenyan man works his way up doesn’t mean he should stop treating her right. A lawn mower? Seriously? That is just an insult to every woman. Make us feel special not like your gardener or your house-help…
    Buy us lingerie that we wear only for you…
    …lawn mower….and then what?


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