My Confession, My Truth

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“If my mother ever discovers this secret, it will kill her. To her, I am the face of  sanity, purity and all those other adjectives she likes to plaster on me.

I’m her favourite daughter, the one who she hopes  to give away to a  responsible young man in a church wedding. She likes to make fun of how jelous her co-wife will be on that day.  “Tabitha will choke in bitterness when my princess finally gets married,”  thats how she puts it.

Being remorseful  will not be enough to sooth her bruised  ego  or heal her broken heart when  she finally finds out.  I look forward to that day of doom as if it were  the return of  the Messiah.

I can already imagine how she will react. She will wear  that look she gave me anytime I spilt her milk. That look that  anyone would want to flee from.

She will convene  her believer-friends to intercede for her daughter whom the devil is determined to destroy. They will all fast for days in solidarity, she does the same for them anyway.

Emissaries will perhaps  be sent to me to try and speak sense into my thick head. I  know I will tell them to mind their own business and I loathe it.

As I lay in wait for that day,  here is how it all started. I left home to go to college,  to make myself and Mama proud. I had the vigour of any lady of  my age who desperately wants to make it.

Whatever happened between that day and today, I  hope to find out some day. All I know is that  my phenotypic and genotypic make up do not marry.

Naturally, am supposed to like men but I don’t. I should have  crushes  on hot guys and maybe blush and  fidget in their presence. I don’t!  On the contrary, this only happens with fellow ladies,  like my current “boyfriend.”

Trying to fight it has proved futile and am not complaining. The only thing that worries me is my mother. What will she do when she finds out that am a lesbian?”

Her confession still plays in my mind as if it were a favourite tune. I must admit that jaws dropped at the realization that my best friend is “awkward” but life continues.

Sometimes, all that people need from you is a listening ear and a shut mouth. Is that too much to ask?

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