“If my mother ever discovers this secret, it will kill her. To her, I am the face of sanity, purity and all those other adjectives she likes to plaster on me.
I’m her favourite daughter, the one who she hopes to give away to a responsible young man in a church wedding. She likes to make fun of how jelous her co-wife will be on that day. “Tabitha will choke in bitterness when my princess finally gets married,” thats how she puts it.
Being remorseful will not be enough to sooth her bruised ego or heal her broken heart when she finally finds out. I look forward to that day of doom as if it were the return of the Messiah.
I can already imagine how she will react. She will wear that look she gave me anytime I spilt her milk. That look that anyone would want to flee from.
She will convene her believer-friends to intercede for her daughter whom the devil is determined to destroy. They will all fast for days in solidarity, she does the same for them anyway.
Emissaries will perhaps be sent to me to try and speak sense into my thick head. I know I will tell them to mind their own business and I loathe it.
As I lay in wait for that day, here is how it all started. I left home to go to college, to make myself and Mama proud. I had the vigour of any lady of my age who desperately wants to make it.
Whatever happened between that day and today, I hope to find out some day. All I know is that my phenotypic and genotypic make up do not marry.
Naturally, am supposed to like men but I don’t. I should have crushes on hot guys and maybe blush and fidget in their presence. I don’t! On the contrary, this only happens with fellow ladies, like my current “boyfriend.”
Trying to fight it has proved futile and am not complaining. The only thing that worries me is my mother. What will she do when she finds out that am a lesbian?”
Her confession still plays in my mind as if it were a favourite tune. I must admit that jaws dropped at the realization that my best friend is “awkward” but life continues.
Sometimes, all that people need from you is a listening ear and a shut mouth. Is that too much to ask?