The Kenyan Version of A Perfect Man by Neemo Alice

Certain hours of the day are usually booked for the TV. Just like any other Kenyan lady, I ensure that I’m seated in front of my TV about 5-minutes to my date with the Mexican Soap Operas. We can’t tell why we can’t miss even a single episode of our favorites …because it’s the lead actor that wins our hearts.

He’s always just the perfect guy. Talk of mannerism, physique and all the positive adjectives a man would have. Doing the right things, in the right way and at the right time. Never forgets when he loves …in fact cries over a break up. More often referred to as Alejandro by script writers. Ladies will often wish they were in the position of the lead actress and will go green-eyed when she plays hard-to-get.

Enough of Alejandro!

Consider the Kenyan version of a perfect man. Call him Juma: the Kenyan Alejandro. I took my time to compare the two gentlemen based on how they love. Oh how different they do! While Alejandro falls in love, Juma simply decides to love, a decision that can a times be made at a glance. He will later use a 3-word text message to woo the lady.

Picture this: a lady’s inbox is full of “where are you?” “How are you?” “Are you coming?” “Sleep tight dear” “I love you” kinds of text messages. His Mexican counterpart on the other hand takes his time and calls his lady or drives to her house just to wish her a good day or a warm night.

Wait until it’s Valentine’s and you’ll see how far the Spanish lover boy can go! He drops by a flower farm and picks the reddest of the roses or the freshest of the Lillie’s for her. Juma will get something for his lady too. He’ll walk into an Asian ware shop and get his sweetheart a pressure cooker …or even a toaster!

Both gentlemen plan to pose the million-dollar-question to their ladies. Alejandro will take his time to serenade her before he asks for her hand – probably on one knee. As for Juma, a simple “when are you moving in?” will do. Break up with Juma as a result and he’ll attend your wedding with his wife! Yeah! …did you imagine he’ll ‘mournr’ your breakup for life?

The saddest thing about Soap Operas is that Alejandro is just a fictious character living in the perfect world created by the script writer. He’s a heir to a multibillion Business Empire, that was handed to him on a silver platter. The perfect idea of a spoilt grown-hup brat.

As crude as he may be, Juma has had a fair share of the world’s problems. He has hustled his way to the top since when he was a foetus. He has bathed in his tears and is now probably swimming in his sweat. He is responsibility oriented and only has fun when it’s necessary. He is an Afro-romantic guy, thanks to civilization and modernity. He’s the our idea of a perfect man.

A man who “makes things happen.” He has substance between his ears. If ladies were realistic enough, he’d dethrone Alejandro. The little a Kenyan man does to show how much he cares for a lady shouldn’t be taken lightly. I choose to give credit where it’s due.

Next Valentines Day, Juma will probably buy his sweetheart a lawn mower. I hope she receives it wearing a smile, which she can take off at her discretion and roll her eyes. Alejandro is therefore forbidden to enter my living room, except in the form of a TV signal.

THE SEARCH FOR A PERFECT MAN GIVES A SINGLE MOTHER.

Single mothers are not entirely a result of rogue men. They are a result of their own illusions, imagination and unattainable standards. Most single mothers have themselves to blame at the end. They have themselves to blame for the missed opportunities and chances. But they would rather blame men

Most ladies want ‘the perfect man ‘ to date them. They want a man who will treat them well, the same man should be good looking and loaded with money. The same man should be from a particular place and with a given family background. The man should be within a specific age bracket. The perfect man.

This is all imaginary! There are no perfect humans – let alone men. “God saw that it was good”. This is according to the NIV Bible. It doesn’t say that God saw what He had created – including men – that they were perfect. No!!

The prefect men that many women dream of daily are merely a creation of men. The guys in the Telenovelas that have flooded Kenyan television screens aren’t perfect in reality. They are acting; taking up roles assigned to them. They are imitating somebody else’s actions and words. Somebody who probably never live. An imagination.

When William Levi is taking up a role in ‘Don’t Mess With An Angel ‘, he is no longer a William Levi but a medical doctor called Miguel. Ladies end up making Doctor Miguel their perfect man thinking that he is William Levi. I bet in reality, William Levi is not Doctor Miguel.

Think of a lady searching for a Doctor Miguel in reality. As she does that, time catches up with her. She realizes that she is edging too fast towards 30 years with nothing to show of except their job and academic papers. She remembers the different Magazines she has read on reproductive health. At thirty years and above, chances of a woman getting a baby are slim. Chances of a woman getting a deformed baby are high. She wants a normal baby.

The woman gets stressed up. She probably avoided all men at Campus for various reasons, they didn’t measure up to her perfect man. Some did not have a Densel Washington’s body. Others did not treat her with money and outings as she wanted. Still, some had the money, the body but looked nothing less than baboons. Maybe, others had the money, the body and the looks but had no time for her. In the end, the lady decided that Campus wasn’t her dating ground.

At the workplace, she resolve to start again. She is around 25 years and wants to settle by the time she is 28. Unfortunately, Mr. Perfect Guy is not showing up. She flirts with the Accountant before realizing that he is married. She starts avoiding the Accountant like a plague.

She is turning twenty seven yet no sign of a man. She starts seeing her driver, mechanic and even the bachelor neighbor. The three make a good combination of her perfect man but none of them has all the qualities packaged in him. Before making up her mind, she realizes that she missed her periods. She doesn’t know whether it is the mechanic’s, the driver’s or the neighbor’s. She goes into solitude.

In her her imaginations, the perfect man must accept her with the pregnancy or the child. She is 29 years and doesn’t want to get to 30 without a kid of her on. A life of expectancy sets in but with imaginary standards. No man shows interest in her because none can live up to her unrealistic standards. Denial sets in.

All her age mates are married and seem happy. She forgets that it’s her unrealistic standards and set the blame squarely on men and God. Men are blamed for not being perfect while God gets the blame for having allowed ‘ that ‘ to happen to her. She invites her girlfriends for a baby shower and they all turn up with their husbands or fiance. Though they laugh throughout the event, she is dying inside to have her own husband. She is a single mother. After the party, she hugs her pillow and promise herself to get a man ASAP.

Maybe not a “perfect man ” anymore …..but just a MAN.